When did you lose yourself?
It was so long ago that you can barely remember
where you were, or how it happened -
but since then you’ve been searching,
scanning every obscure forgotten place
lifting up every unlikely object,
growing a little more frustrated every day.
And now you’ve reached the point
where you’re beginning to forget what you’re looking for
like a dazed and weary solider
who can’t remember why he’s fighting anymore.
And eventually you can’t contain your frustration.
“That’s it! I’ve had enough!” you shout.
You’ve looked everywhere a million times over, so what’s the point?
You accept defeat and abandon the search,
and somehow feel relieved, as if a burden has been lifted.
And then, a few days later, when your life has settled down again,
you’re pottering around, doing nothing in particular,
and suddenly it’s there, right in front of you,
in the closest, most obvious place -
the essence of your being, shining so clearly,
like a beautiful luminous jewel.
Why did it wait so long to reveal itself?
Perhaps it’s only just crystallised -
perhaps the years of searching were necessary
to orientate you, de-condition you and deepen you
until finally your base elements could fuse together
into a golden core.
Or perhaps it was there all the time
and you were just looking too hard to see something so subtle,
looking in one place for something that’s everywhere,
hoping for a miracle that will only happen
when you give up hoping
looking for a truth that you can only find
when you give up looking.
An accidental discovery
that your whole life has prepared you for.