Back in January of 1990, I took a position as the operations manager
on the night shift at Bankers Trust Company New York located at 130
Liberty Street on the 36th floor in New York City. It was a difficult
time for the organization then undergoing enormous cuts in their
business activities, including global sales, operations, product
management, credit and technology.
Early on, I had some
personal doubts over whether or not I had what it takes to be successful
in such a large organization. At the time, Bankers Trust Company New
York was still the 7th largest bank in the country and I was now coming
from The First National Bank of Toms River, New Jersey which later on
May 25th, that same year filed for bankruptcy protection. Federal
regulators had declared the bank insolvent after a loss of $165.8
million dollars in 1990. 5,000 shareholders in the bank, holding 9.6
million shares lost their holdings in the company. The bank that had
served the community for 110 years was now gone. First National Bank of
Toms River was a victim of the Savings and Loan Crisis. It was ranked
19th (in the State of New Jersey) during the crisis in size, according
to book value of assets at $1.36 billion dollars.
With a
young child at home, a wife, and a newly built custom home failure was
not an option under consideration. What I needed more than anything else
was a solid and tried bridge for crossing over the great divide between
the person that I had been in the past and the full metal man that I
needed to hurry up and change into for my families safety and security.
Was I scared? Yes!
What
did I do about it? I wasn't sure then if I believed in God but I
decided to pray anyway asking to be led through all of the upcoming
difficulties of working at night, commuting back and forth by car from
Lakewood, NJ to New York City everyday, while getting as little as 4
hours of sleep, and having to perform under tight deadlines in this new
and tremendously fast paced business environment where billions of
dollars in client deposits were being processed every day and the
potential for financial and reputational risk to Bankers Trust Company
loomed large when and if things were not done properly.
After
a few months into the new job, I literally let go of all thoughts of
being in control. I took a giant leap of faith' and let the mysterious
power of the divine carry me forward through it all from that day
forward.
Miraculously, the majority of it, which was good
enough for me, was met with favorable outcomes for the people around me,
my family and myself. There were mistakes made but they didn't break my
spirit, my confidence or my will to succeed. Even in those instances
involving the most difficult of circumstances I chose to be guided by
compassion, honesty, humility, kindness and by always maintaining the
greatest respect for others.
Looking back now, I can say
that this was one of my most intense periods of prayer in my life but it
is also still a rest stop or ledge to which I often return in search
for spiritual forensic clues on how to reconnect with the immanent-the
sacred and regain a measure of spiritual strength when I am deep in the dark night.
Once I am able to identify previously undiscovered evidence of
the divine, and it seems I always am able to do so, it affords me a renewed sense of awe, hope, love, strength
and wonder--enough to go on weathering the incoming storms of the times.
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